Brenda Boyle?!

Actually this article is not solely about Ms Boyle, there are strange elements in EastEnders that I feel need airing...

Where do the production team hire their extras? The reason I ask is because a few of them look decidedly odd. Twice in the past week I've been so distracted by the person supposedly in the background that I've found it hard to concentrate on what's happening in the foreground. In the Argee Bargee, Jase and Dawn were having 'a talk'; she thought he was about to dump her, he actually wanted to propose. All very sweet and charming, but I couldn't help noticing the bloke sitting behind Jase; he was the Diederick Santer-alike who first appeared during the dreary open mic week at the Vic. This was ridiculous of me I thought, but on Tuesday it happened again. A very poignant moment between Jean and Bradley in the cafe was all but ruined for me by a reject from a Brian May lookalike competition sitting at the next table! Maybe this was deliberate and was supposed to tie in with Jean's singing a Queen song, I half expected him to whip out an electric guitar and join in. The other distraction was the old 'lady' sitting in the corner, I'm sure 'she' had five o'clock shadow. Very odd indeed.

Moving on to the aforementioned Ms Boyle. Pity the actress Carmel Cryan (is this for real?), she gets a call from her agent telling her she's up for a part in EastEnders. Brilliant news, but when she gets the scripts, she sees she's not only saddled with the name Brenda Boyle, but she is also going to have to endure the sparkling wit of Charlie Slater. Now I know Charlie is a good sort, but he's hardly an exciting date is he? His idea of a good time would be to share a bag of humbugs and complain throughout an entire edition of 'Top Gear'.

As for Olly. What kind of creature is he supposed to be? Swampylite? I imagine he's recently decamped from his Hampstead chateau where he lived in 'like, really annoying comfort' with his parents who both work in the media. He is obviously on his gap year, hopped on the tube and found himself in the wilds of Walford and hooked up with fourteen year old harrridan, Lucy Beale. 'Wow, totally dysfunctional, dude'. Olly's character reminds me of those soap powder ads where the teenage son comes home from Glastonbury/Bangkok and dumps his scummy rucksack on the kitchen floor. SuperMum then gingerly loads her washing machine with the cack hammocks he calls pants and marvels at the power of Frotho. The ad ends with teenage son/Olly about to go out with his smiling girlfriend, when Mum plops his newly washed Peruvian hat on his head, which now smells of butterflies armpits and not Keith Miller's.

Then we have the dreaded Queen Vic Five a Side football team. Hey it's Euro '08, none of the home sides are in the tournament, no-one's fussed who wins, so let's get people watching matches they don't care about by shoehorning it into EastEnders. Marvellous. Cue Vinnie and a clipboard, bring in Clare Bates to unveil her strip and guess what? She must be a natural because she scores a goal. Who cares if the ball was about two feet away from the kiddy goalmouth! All the men are in awe of her ball skills (nudge, nudge etc) I'm surprised Garry and Minty weren't there to provide some comedy sweating and sit ups, not long ago, Heather would have been there, hovering around with refreshing cheesy wotsits. So let's be grateful for small mercies!