Morons and Mysteries

There are certain characters and storylines in EastEnders which puzzle me. Pointless, directionless and frankly boring. But before I get carried away, let me clarify exactly what I mean:

Vinnie Monks
This is no reflection on the talents of Bobby Davro, but he's been handed a poisoned chalice here. His only purpose seems to be to highlight how much Shirley should be with Phil; he drifts from scene to scene, with a vaguely bemused expression, perhaps he too is wondering what on earth he is doing there? Vinnie is just an attempt at an Alfie Moon hybrid, a kind of worn out cheeky chappie cliche that we can do without; as can Shirley. I mean, this is the kind of man who thinks packets of biscuits and smelly old dogs are romantic gifts!

Dawn and Jase
What is this all about? I know this coupling has created a nice little family unit, but there is absolutely no sexual or romantic chemistry between the two of them. We never see them alone together, having a cuddle or even going out for a drink. Jase only moved into the Millers' because of expediency, not because he wanted to commit to Dawn. I find it mystifying that such young, attractive characters would be making such compromises at this point in their lives. Neither of them should feel so desperate that they settle for Mr/Mrs Right Now. Whether the tabloid talk of Dawn being set up as a new matriarch was true or not, she could still have taken on that role without a man around; there is enough chaos in that house for her to be getting on with. So in spite of the cosy setup, I'd prefer to see these two find different partners; maybe one of them should come out of the closet...

Garry Hobbs
Utterly infantile and unappealing, this is a character that is now too old to be monkeying about in the way he does. Judging from upcoming spoilers, things aren't about to change either. There was a moment (when he dared to hope for a chance with Dawn) when Ricky Groves was able to bring a bit of pathos to proceedings; he was genuinely pitiable sitting on Arthur's bench with tears in his eyes. Now with best mate and fellow jester, Minty married off, where will he fit in? Which leads us to -

Minty Peterson
How weak and ineffectual is this man? What was he thinking when he married Heather? Doing her a big favour in letting her be his official best mate and fellow saddo? This is already falling apart and making Heather even more unhappy, though of course she is culpable as well; foolishly believing in a fantasy of love and marriage, this unfortunate union seems destined to fail. His character is seriously damaged by the whole wedding scenario; realistically he should have gone off with Hazel, or at least, called the whole farce off.

Bradley and Clare
This has to be the most feeble and pathetic 'coupling' ever. The nonsensical appearance of Arnold and subsequent jewel robbery was unfunny and stupid. It can't be much fun for Gemma Bissix, who by all accounts was thrilled to have returned to EastEnders and it seemed an interesting move for a character who left as a child, to return as an adult without recasting. But what poor storylines she has been given, plus she seems to be required to spend every other episode half dressed. I think we've all got the message that she is an amoral, avaricious person, given to using her considerable 'charms' to get what she wants. But we need to find out why she has become like this, what went wrong in the years she's been away. What part does Nigel have in her metamorphosis from sweet to sour? As for Bradley, he should have had a real breakdown after the Stacey/Max affair; instead he drank (a little) too much and forgot to wash for an episode or two, until Clare raised his spirits and Uncle Jack had a word. Now they have been shunted together for no apparent reason at all. She is obviously hoping he will start to earn big money, while he is just pathetically desperate and lonely.

Well that's enough nitpicking and griping for now!